Digital fast: An experiment in the neuroscience of leadership
Does the neuroscience of exemplary leadership start by just creating space and time where new habits can form and thrive?
This quarter I am taking Baba Shiv's Neuroscience of Exemplary Leadership course at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. The premise of the course is simple and foundationally deep -- body and mind chemistry shapes performance. Channel instinctive body and mind processes with new habits (!) and you'll channel your performance.
Creating new habits is hard! Where in my busy life was I going to create new habits? This question of habits came at the exact time that I found myself endlessly worried about how we were spending time as a family -- we love the outdoors but the winter had made it easy to replace it with digital entertainment -- a show, game or movie took the place of 'time together'. More importantly, the boys were seeming crabby -- whining, fighting, complaining -- even in a household with a pre-teen and a teen, the level of crabbiness seemed higher than usual.
Could it be the screens? There was only one way to find out -- a digital fast. What if we only used the screens for:
Must-do work and homework, use paper, a drawing surface for all other work and homework
No digital entertainment -- YouTube scrolling, shows, movies, games. We don’t do social media as a family.
The kids revolted -- especially the 10 year-old who had grown accustomed to playing games "while!" doing homework. They argued, negotiated, then begged. We responded with - "this is for all of us - kids and parents. We don't need 'parental controls', instead we are choosing to 'control the parents.' That made them pause. No end date, but instead a weekly reflection on how its going, what has changed, and what we are learning. Sounds impossible? It is -- we have missed our weekly reflection 3 times, but we have done it twice.
41 days later, here's what has happened --
😮Most surprising of all -- Noon on the 1st Sunday after we started the fast I found myself "done with everything I was supposed to do -- homework, work, household chores, logistics for kids" -- I had time, and nothing to fill it! So I read, and gardened. Then it happened again the next Sunday, and the next. Were the screens taking up time I did not have? Was it more effective to do my "thinking" for work and homework on paper or by drawing on my reMarkable?
🤯My husband has remarked -- digital entertainment also takes up mind-space after you are done watching, making it harder to focus in general. I shared my finding with Baba Shiv and he agreed.
⛳For the first time in 25 years, my husband did not watch the Masters - and it was not hard -- it was just what it was, instead father and son started playing golf again
📖The 10 year-old has read 8 books in 6 weeks
🧑🤝🧑The kids are not fighting -- if they would let me, I might have shared a priceless picture of them snuggling in bed on weekend mornings
🏃♀️Everyone exercises everyday; my 10 year-old has taken the 'we are all doing it' to heart -- he only exercises if I do. Its hard not to do it when the accountability is so present and in your face
📰 A digital entertainment fast has the inadvertent effect of a "news fast" -- so I missed the news of the northern lights and missed seeing them on Friday - bummer!
🧘♀️I am able to keep up on all the neuroscience habits -- exercise, sleep, meditation and others
👯♀️We have seen more friends in the last five weeks than we have 5 months prior — spontaneously, not by planning weeks in advance
✒️I am writing again -- writing creates clarity for me, it creates mind space -- space that is critical to being a better leader, parent, colleague, friend.
Does the neuroscience of exemplary leadership start by just creating space and time where new habits can form and thrive? It seems like it. Still, forming new habits is hard. The experiment continues.