Education for the rough road

Every moment is a learning moment. And, some of the most significant learning in life seems to come through tragedy, pain and suffering. Its because in those moments, we HAVE to learn, we have to survive. I just went through one of those experiences. My partner/husband was in a high-impact accident three weeks ago. He was riding his bike one evening and got hit by a car. He came away very lucky having fractured only his left femur and is recovering very well now.

In the last three weeks, I have been presented numerous learning moments. As I took each one on, I began to wonder how education can nurture us to face such situations. There was one underlying learning that captured my experience. I offer it in an attempt to initiate dialog on how education strengthens us for the tough moments of life …

When tragedy hits, its easy to see yourself as a victim. However, we are not victims. Victims are helpless, special and different from everyone else. Nobody can escape pain. Sheer bad luck can hit anyone. And, that's the truth. Nobody is special as compared to someone else — we are each just human — each of us just like the other, a person with feelings, needs, desires, no greater or more valued than those of another being. Each one vulnerable to the ups and downs of life.

We nurture children to consider themselves special. It starts out in simple ways — a special dress, a special color, a special birthday party. Yes, each child is unique but is each child special, more special than another? Being special makes you feel invincible. But we are not invincible. Much of life is out of our control, it is fragile and it is unknown. Feeling invincible makes it hard to accept tragedy. We feel wronged, feel like victims when tragedy hits and this feeling of being a victim starts out by being treated special. 

But the reality is that we are just travelers, journeying through life, dealing with more unknown than we are willing to fathom, able to know or willing to admit. But that's the truth. What might it mean to see ourselves for who we are — each unique but not special? What does it mean to nurture each child, each person as being unique but not special? There is a difference there. Between being unique and being special. Uniqueness implies that there is something different about each of us. And that's true. Specialness implies there is something better about some of us as compared to others. "Special" implies a judgment, of something being superior. We are different, yes. Not necessarily better than each other. Uniqueness, allows room for seeing the commonality that we cannot escape
— the common ups and downs of life — that affect all people, each
different from another but still connected by the common web of life.
Uniqueness removes hierarchy, the need for a ladder that those that
ascend will vanquish all the downs of life. It allows us to see life for
what it is — different for each of us in how we see it but common in
the ups and downs it presents us.

In education, we always strive to define better, to create specialness. It starts with comparison and competition. Through tests, grades, races, competition of all kinds we define better. We create a need to be special. That's the simple piece we can inspect and start with. Instead, how about seeing the uniqueness and treating in congruence with just that? Each child needs and demands to be treated for who they are, not boxed to fit a common bill of specialness. Treated for who they are, children and all people can grow to have a healthy regard for themselves and the uniqueness of every other person. When faced with tragedy, such a person will see the situation for what it is, unique in its specific occurrence, common it its basic nature, none of us being above it in any way.

I think that by focusing on uniqueness, we teach humility — humility in the face of the unknown nature of life, humility in being different not more special than someone else, humility that brings levity. Levity and humor that can heal in magical ways.