Savoring an interest: Helping your child get a taste of passion

Which classes should I sign my kid up for? Which camp? Ballet, Piano, Soccer, Karate, Chess, Clay animation? How many is too many?

I believe every child, every person is meant to find what she truly loves and have the opportunity to pursue it. Taking many classes does not lead to a passion. A passion is irresistible, it is something you cannot but help do. While some young children are insatiably curious, almost "obsessed" about a type of play or are prodigious in an undeniable way, many flit from one thing to another. Well-meaning parents want to expose their children to a plethora of opportunities so the child might find a calling in one. It is not uncommon for a child to end up over-scheduled, with so much on her plate that she doesn't know what to taste, let alone stay with one thing long enough to savor it.

Its about one, maybe two and that's it

I think that to ulimately find something you love, you need to know what it means to love. If a child can taste one interest long enough, to savor it, to linger with it, to work through the challenges it poses, she begins to develop a taste for doing something she loves. Just like it is more powerful to know how to learn than what to learn, it is more important to know how to pursue a passion than to pursue a specific passion, especially when you have not yet found a calling.

It is meaningful then to support one interest, one area of curiosity that the child is drawn to. To balance it, offer exposure to one another area that is challenging, something that is still within the child's reach but slightly outside her comfort zone.

Stay with it

Passion is developed not just from having an interest but having the ability to persevere. Being able to work through challenges, to see through failure, to "do the lonely work" as Kevin Carroll says is critical to nurturing a passion. How is a child to develop these attitudes if she cannot stay with one thing for a long time? So, stick with it, with at least one class for as long as your child can. Don't work around it or give it up the first time she says, "I am bored". Hear her out and still take her to it. Listen to her but still go. Yes, there might come a time when you should let it go. One indicator of such a time is when it is evident that your child's is not just "not interested", she is actually having a troubling experience with the class.

Create an environment

Ballet need not remain restricted to the class and shows. Read about it, watch movies, meet with ballet dancers, study how the shoes are made, follow the stories of legendary ballet dancers, make your own tutu. Create an environment of support. Jump right into the passion with your child — not in an over-bearing way but out of genuine interest. You don't need to read every book but you sure can help put some on the coffee table. A passion is developed through many experiences, many modalities. Knowing how to create and live through many experiences, related and even seemingly unrelated to the passion is part of developing a sense of depth. By exposing your child to many modalities, you are helping her develop a well-rounded understanding of an interest, developing skills that will carry over into other areas.

Stay unattached

Let the interest be her interest, her class and not your own. Don't let it become about your success as a parent. Cheer but not too loudly. Ask with concern but don't punish. Let her work through her ups and her downs. Let her develop her own sense of commitment towards her interest. A passion remains a passion because you, not someone else is committed to it. It will feel fresh and alive to her, engaging and inviting, if she is not worried about your expectations. So step aside when you cannot help yourself. Take the back stage.

Your child might pursue an interest for three months or three years. When she says she has had her fill, put away the plate and let her relish in the after-taste. You know she is done when she has done all she can and any more would be over-indulgence. Then, let it go. If she has truly had her fill, she knows what it means to eat a good meal out of deep hunger. She won't stay hungry too long. Another sumptuous interest will be right around the corner.