Time out? No way! Lets go to the beach, instead!

I have been reading Jane Nelsen's Positive Discipline these last few weeks. Positive Discipline offers parents a respectful, honoring way to think of, understand and work with children. My one sentence translation of the book is — Treat your children with the same honor and respect you accord your best friend. The book invites parents to understand that misbehavior is really a result of discouragement. Its full of such nuggets, tips, ideas and more. 

One such idea (amongst many), that made me rethink my perspective on a common parenting technique was Positive Time-out. I take a strong stand against punishment in my own parenting and teaching. So, I have never used time-out. That said, when my son turned four and became the full-of-life, fast-paced, boy of energy that he still is, it became evident to me that he would outrun his own energy, draining himself to the point of becoming a puddle. He needed to take some time, every now and then and especially in the midst of an escalating conflict with me, to cool off and breathe. I needed to do the same. So, we came up with the "break". If one of us felt like we were getting out of hand, we'd go on break. Initially, this felt just like a time-out, wrapped in fancier wrapping paper. And it was. When I asked my son to take a break, my tone would be punitive. No wonder it felt like a punishment. It never sat right with me. 

Then, I came across an idea shared by my son's school, one that comes from Positive Discipline. What is the real reason to take a break? Its to cool off, to breath, to feel better, to regroup. Lets implement it that way. Make it a time to feel better. Go to a place where you can calm down, hum, cuddle, play a little, listen to music, eat something, drink and feel better. Do just that. Do what it takes to feel better. A classroom in my son's school now has a cozy chair outside the room with a stack of books next to it. Its the beach. When a student needs a break, they go to the beach. Who wouldn't want to? The child takes care of themselves, reads, hangs out for a bit and when she feels better she rejoins the classroom.

Inspired, I came home and suggested this new way of looking at our "break" idea. My son loved it. In response, he said, "I think we need three beaches in our home. What if we are all having an argument?" 

So there you have it, create three beaches or four or more. You'll love going to them and so will your children!