Listen to your heart

As the new year rolls itself out, many families in Seattle and in other cities around the country are scurrying about, rising from the leisure of holidays to complete school applications. This can be a nerve-wracking and stressful time for families as they cram in the last few schools tours and open houses in the hope of picking out a handful of schools to apply to. It can also be a very confusing time. If you are in this situation, you know exactly what I mean.

Between what schools have to say about themselves, the talk on the street, advice from friends and what your own heart tells you, there is much to listen to, sort through and filter out to arrive a decision you feel comfortable with. As I have worked with several families through this admission cycle, I have often returned to and urged them to return to their own heart in deciding which school to apply to. That does sound simplistic but it can also be quite sophisticated. It is simple in that it returns you to what you know best. It is sophisticated because it doesn't need to be all hand-wavy. Even more, listening to your heart is something that applies beyond just choosing a school for your child — it applies to choosing anything for them.

Here are some real ways in which you can listen to your heart in choosing which schools to apply to:

Listen for what resonates: When visiting schools and listening to school administrators, make note of what resonates with you. Listen for their values, mission, program descriptions and ask yourself if you truly like them. Ask yourself if their values resonate with you. Do you see a reflection of their mission in your life in some way at least. Most often the confusion in listening to schools comes from wondering about "what you should want for your child" versus "what feels right to you". You and you alone, beside your child, knows your child the best. While schools are experts on education, you are an expert on your child and you know what is best for your particular child. So, when you hear 'school talk' from schools listen for what resonates with you, your values and your family.

Look to your child: Observe and consider who your child is. What is he or she like? What does she or he like? How does she or he react to new situations? To learning that is hard? To learning what she or he loves? What does she or he love? How does she or he learn best? Consider these and other questions and then ask yourself how she or he would like a particular school. Not whether the school would like her or him but how well she or he would like the school. Better yet, ask your child. Then, ask a school who their ideal child is. Or who they hope their students will grow into. Is that who you want your child to grow into? Is that who she or he wants to grow into?

Go one step further, take your child to some of the open houses. Watch her or him as she or he goes through the school. Does he or she look comfortable, drawn to, curious, shy, afraid or worse yet averse to a particular school setting? If you cannot take your child to the school, simply describe the school to your child and ask them what they think of it. You certainly don't want to lay this decision on your child but you can hear their ideas.

Limit the stress: Truly, cut out as much of the stress as you can. Common stress factors include — cost, commute, too much homework, being in and around other families that don't feel like your tribe. These factors while they might seem controllable or ones that you can overcome are real. Limit the amount of stress that can come from one of these.

Then, let yourself imagine: Once you have visited schools, considered your child, tried to weed out stress factors, let yourself imagine. For a while imagine the ideal school for your child and your family. Then, take your imagination and consider how closely a particular school aligns with your imagination. Write down why it aligns, why it doesn't and whether why it doesn't is really that significant to you.

Ultimately, there is no perfect school for a child but there can be a "right" school if you can figure out what to let go of and how to listen to your own heart. Apply to those schools that feel right to you. If you like them because they are right for your child and your family, your child will love her or his school. How comfortable your child is, how accepted she or he feels and how welcomed you feel, I believe is one of the cornerstones of a great educational experience.

So, go ahead and listen to your heart and leave all that other advice back where it came from. A heartfelt new year to you!

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